I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
