im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
