So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
