is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
