there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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