she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
