I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
