It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
