Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize