why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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