i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
