dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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