omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Enjoy the penises
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
