I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
