I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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