I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
