he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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