I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's the barista slut.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
