no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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