his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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