OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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