he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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