It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
