Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize