i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
