so explain again why im purple
no
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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