So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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