dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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