So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
