he thought i was a dude.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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