Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize