dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
