Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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