i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
