If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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