How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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