Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
