I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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