i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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