Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
