eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
