Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
