Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
