So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
