I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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