Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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