a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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