just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
sex in a hospital.. check
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
