i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
