i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
