I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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