please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize