if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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