I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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