exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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