I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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