It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
