Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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