She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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