the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
