Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
handjob tips. give me some.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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