her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
