Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
