woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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