just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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