is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
