Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
