Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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