True but thats because hes a fetus.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
