Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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