first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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