i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
