I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
