he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
