I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
