woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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