You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize