Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
