i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
