i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
