I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
