the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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