wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
