his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
