In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize