we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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