if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
